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| Bonnie Mancuso and Tara Hall with Bonnie's new angel Brody |
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| Our fabulous craft gals Stacy Cates and Nina Alvarez |
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| A great dinner and cake at the end - yum!!! |
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| Our super-wonderful Coordinator, Marianne Little, and Emily Hill |
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| The Yellow Group |
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| The Purple Group |
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| Our Great Speaker, Laura Hargrove |
Waiting For Answers by Bonnie MancusoThe day was Friday, September 16, 2005, the day my sweet baby girl was born. The pediatric doctor that was on call at the hospital came in and gave us the news. "Your daughter failed her hearing test. Her right ear is fine but the left ear did not pass the newborn screen." Is that normal, I thought? "It’s possible she just had some of the vernix plugging up her ear. Just have her checked out again in a few weeks." So at three weeks old, we took Brooke to see Dr. Mcreaney with Tx Childrens, SURE we were going to get different results. After all, in my mind, it WAS just something plugging up her ear canal. We had an OAE and ABR run (which are the two hearing screens) and then the doctor sat us down to give us the news. Again. "Brooke has profound hearing loss in her left ear." She explained that the electrodes did not measure any nerve activity in response to the sound. They said she wasn’t a candidate for cochlear implants and that a hearing aid would have to be turned up so loud that it would only cause interference in her right ear. As I begin to cry, she hands me a tissue. "Do you know why she can't hear?" I asked. We were told additional tests would have to be run, like a cat scan but that her hearing could come to her in the future but only time would tell." The doctor proceeded to give us direction on how to handle the loss...talking loudly into her right ear, which again we were told was perfect. When we go out to eat, we should sit her in a high back booth so the sound could bounce off so Brooke could hear what was being said. We left there devastated. I could only think of what I did during my pregnancy that could have caused this. Was I to blame? And where was God when all of this was happening? Part of me tried to be hopeful this was temporary, but the logical part of me knew these tests were probably right. We had her tested again just before her first birthday and then again at 18 months. Same results. They told us to just keep having her tested, but my very strong feelings were let's have her tested when SHE can tell us if she can hear or not.
Over the course of the next two and a half years we only tested her hearing at home. We would whisper to her in that ear. Sometimes she’d say she could hear a little and sometimes she couldn’t hear at all. I was out of town one weekend and my mom was home with the kids. She put Brooke on the phone to talk to me and I heard, “Grandma I can’t hear mommy.” I had to say, Mom make sure the phone is on her right ear.
Finally her five year check up came and they tested her vision and her hearing, which we hadn’t done since she was 18 months. The doctor walked in and looked over her test results, “Her vision is perfect,” he said. “Her hearing is perfect”. Wait what? I said “Dr. Worrall Brooke has never passed a hearing test in her life.” For a minute, I got excited. He said he thought possibly Brooke had just guessed at the rhythm of the beeping and suggested we have a full work up done on her since it had been so long and since she was five now.
So we scheduled more tests, a full work up with a pedi ENT. I was hopeful to say the least. After all this time and a positive on her last hearing test, I was hopeful. We had a full work up done on her and even the attendant who did the testing said she did some extensive tests on Brooke for her age. But the results were the same. Profound hearing loss in Brooke’s left ear. Her right ear was 110% and compensating very well for the loss in her left ear. The only difference in this hearing test was I knew we would get answers that I had been waiting for. WHY exactly couldn’t Brooke hear? We scheduled the CT scan for a few weeks out but we were warned of a 30% chance of not being able to see anything due to the damage in her ear being nerve damage. The week before Christmas I called to get Brooke’s CT scan results. They were a double edge sword. The CT scan showed nothing abnormal or unusual. One of my fears had been laid to rest. She had all the correct formed parts in her ear and everything looked the way it should. Praise God. So in this instance, “normal” meant what exactly? The nurse explained that because the CT scan was normal, it meant her hearing loss was indeed nerve damage. After 5 years, I finally had the answers I had been looking for. After 5 years and many, many hearing tests and co-pays, we finally know why Brooke can’t hear. Not only is this good for me as her mother, but good for her because now she knows her own history and can answers questions about it accurately.
I know that things could be worse. I know that Brooke could have been born with no hearing. Believe me I am extremely grateful that this is the worst thing I’ve had to deal with in my three children. I am truly blessed to be Brooke’s mother and I am so thankful that we have some kind of answers. We’ll never know when the damage occurred, or what caused it. I only know in my heart that it can only be healed completely by the hand of God. And He’s given us this struggle to be an example to others. We will now be able to minister to others who may have the same problem and if we help just one person by sharing Brooke’s story, we will have accomplished God’s purpose.
Father, thank you so much for answers. Thank you for the times that you can show us purpose. Help us to be examples and to live out Your purpose and help us to be patient and know that things happen only in Your time. And that it is in Your time all things will be shown.
In Jesus name. Amen.
I have vivid memories of my firstborn, Lyric, as a newborn. She seemed so tiny and wiry- she had a heart murmur that we worried about, she suffered from terrible acid reflux, she seemed at times so frail and fragile and FUSSY…and then…I would feed her; and when her little tummy was full the transformation was absolutely remarkable. Her face went from twisted and fretful to a look of absolute peace and contentment. Her arms and legs calmed from jerky uncontrolled movements to perfect stillness. And her eyes that as a newborn seemed unable to focus on or recognize anything would look directly and, I dare say, lovingly into my eyes. My husband and I used to call it “milk-drunk”, but the simple fact of the matter was: a newborn’s needs are pretty basic-and at that moment her needs were met and all was right in her little world.
There is a little Psalm that I came across around that time; it’s Psalm 131, and it says: “O LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, Or in things too difficult for me. Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me.” Immediately I had visions of my little “milk-drunk” baby who didn’t have a worry in the world because she absolutely trusted in me to provide for all her needs!
Like many of you, I know, my husband and I are in the midst of a lot of financial struggles right now. And lately I’ve really been discontent and fretful. I spend a lot of time worrying: How God? How are we going to make ends meet? How are we going to have enough to pay all the doctor bills, and auto repair bills? How are we ever going to get ahead again? And, honestly, as I sat down to write this devotional those are the thoughts that were filling my head. But then, God reminded me of Psalm 131, and Psalm 46:10 (“Be still and know that I am God.”) and Psalm 23:1 (“The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I lack.”) And it occurred to me: none of these unexpected bills and expenses surprised God. He knew about them before I did, and as big as they seem to me, these needs are easy for God to meet. As much as I LOVE my babies, it is so hard for me to comprehend that God loves me more deeply and powerfully than I could ever love my babies. He loves us so passionately that He would spare no expense to meet our needs. He did not even spare the expense of His one and only Son to meet our deepest need- forgiveness and salvation!
So, in the light of all this, how can I not rest in God’s amazing love and trust His faithful provision to more than meet all my needs with His endless resources?...”Like a weaned child rests against his mother”.
Lord, I pray that no matter what needs each of these women are facing today, that you would quiet their hearts and still their souls to rest in YOU (like little “milk-drunk” babies) and trust in You to more than supply all their needs because of Your deep love for them. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
